This blog contains explicit content including "triggers"(sights, sounds, phrases and more) that may be disturbing/potentially harmful to trauma survivors. If this bothers you, leave now and if you feel safer later, then come back. If not, keep going and please pass this blog onto anyone that it might help.
I decided to try something new today. When dissociating hits, slowly face what's happening and see that it's not there. Being raped again, being with an old partner, etc. The old partner would be great. But you have to stop and literally feel the space next to you in bed, the pillow and more. No one's there. In the past she was there. But now, nothing. It takes time and can be frustrating to do. But it seems like as you do that it cuts on down old rituals tied to dissociating.
The frustration is still there. How come the rest of the world seems to be happy and NOBODY wants anything to do with male rape survivors? Right now (aside from my therapist), I literally have nowhere to go to get help here in the States. I have to go abroad to find properly trained people in PTSD. Here in the land of "the greatest health care in the world."