Nightmares still happen. This means waking up around 3 a.m., and then eating breakfast. After that, you try to go back to sleep. But the nightmares are still there.
You try to wake up, and battle to not dissociate all day long. Exhaustion is always there. You can't just sit and do nothing. You have to fight back to try and keep some sense of balance.
What's real and what isn't? You have to feel your way thru a lot of space to not feel many times like you're under threat. You never get a break.
You don't have a choice.
You have to protect yourself.
You just want to feel safe.