You try to go to sleep at night. You try not to have late night snacks, caffeine or watching violent triggering stuff. Despite all of that, you wake up every hour. Then it's almost 3 a.m., and what do you do then? Many times we try to have breakfast. Then, go back to bed. You still have nightmares.
All day it's a struggle to not dissociate and black out. Anal pain and torture flashbacks keep happening. Sometimes on bad days you just stay home and spend all day trying to not dissociate. You walk all over the apartment and check to make sure that the psycho rapist isn't there. You could dissociate and maybe escape pain? No, it doesn't work like that. You have to fight back and protect yourself.
Feel angry or abandoned? That still happens. You can't control what horrible people say and do. Instead, you try to protect yourself. You go elsewhere to try and get the help that you need.
You have to face your trauma history as best you can, without endangering yourself. What else can you do?