Sunday, July 3, 2016

Protect Yourself

Into the holiday weekend, and trying hard to not dissociate. Part of this means screening everything. If you try to watch any TV, turn the sound down to avoid being violently triggered. Weird stuff comes out of nowhere. At other times you scream and concentrate to not black out from dissociating.

Do psychosis symptoms still happen? Sometimes yes. Someone's trying to kill you. Monsters are trying to attack you or destroy you. You can't just sit back and do nothing You have to fight back. You're exhausted and lie down at times in the middle of the day. But you can't just sit there.

Sometimes you don't know what's real and what isn't. You spend the whole day walking around at home at checking everywhere. No, there's nobody here. In the corner. Under the bed. Hiding in the shower. You have to protect yourself.

Can you single handedly save the world? No you can't. You're aware, but you check the impulse to take on the world's pain. You're alone is hard enough.

Do you feel paralyzed at times because you have nothing to hide behind anymore? Denial, dissociating, binge drinking and more. Now, we don't have any of that. This means at times you have moments of clarity. Then, pain that hits all of you. Sometimes you just sit and try to not black out from it. Don't attack anybody. You just want to protect yourself.

You don't have a choice.

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