Lots of triggering stuff out there. Screen everything and protect yourself as best you can. We still struggle with dissociating and other symptoms. When moments of clarity happen, despair and abandonment also happen as well.
It's like you have to look really hard to find something positive. 99.999% of it is horrible pain. You used to have lots of destructive stuff to hide behind. Now you don't. Which means that it has to come out in some way.
Sometimes we feel paralyzed. We just sit and rock back and forth to try to and feel safe. We did nothing wrong. But nobody helped us. Can we trust anybody? We don't want to fall into a trap of being burned out and angry.
We just want to feel safe.