Lots of struggle right now with symptoms and exhaustion. You scream and fight to not dissociate and fall apart. You get hit with body pain and severe body memory. You're freezing and struggling to stay warm. Even though it's a warm day.
You don't have a choice. You have to fight back. But you also keep in mind that it has to come out. If not in one way in lots of other bad ways.
You're not abnormal in any way.