Every day you struggle with symptoms. You try to face your trauma history as best you can, without hurting yourself. You get bombarded with sick and twisted thoughts. But you know you're not a sociopath. You're not gay, bi, or into bestiality or necrophilia. You're just trying to protect yourself.
I don't want to dissociate and vanish. I don't want to not know where I am and not care. For a long time, practically nobody cared or listened. I feel at times like I've had to do everything myself.
I've never had a day without symptoms or pain. Going back to lots of pain meds or anti-depressants? No thanks.
You just want to feel safe.