Nightmares and other symptoms are still happening. You wake up in the middle of the night, and then have to turn on all the lights and check to make sure no one else is there. I'm taking one SSRI anti-depressant. Do I really need more? I don't want to take them.
It's a constant battle to not dissociate. You feel abandoned and don't know what to do. Can you trust anybody? You get bombarded with sick and twisted thoughts, but you're not crazy. If severe symptoms don't come out in one way, they'll come out in others. Sometimes you just turn things off and rock back and forth to protect yourself.
You're not crazy. You did nothing wrong. Why didn't I kill all three psycho rapists? Why did I freeze? Why was I drugged? You have to fight all the time. You feel totally exhausted and can barely move. But you have to fight back.
What else can you do?