Today, more non stop fighting of symptoms. Dissociating, adrenalin surges, pain all over your body, hallucinations and more. I try to keep my diet clean, and at times that helps to a certain extent. But you still struggle.
When was the last time I got a good night's sleep? I don't remember. Nightmares are always violent. You have to fight back or you get stabbed to death. I go out and I always have to have an escape plan. Just in case, how do I leave here safely? If I can't reground myself in a place with little kids, I leave. I have no desire to torture, rape and murder little kids. But the thoughts at times are there.
I'm not a monster.
I'm not mentally ill.
I'm not a threat to anybody.
You have to protect yourself.