It's a rough battle right now. You have to fight non-stop to not dissociate and literally vanish. It's like the essence of what makes you you just dissolves. You have to protect yourself. You can't just sit back and do nothing. As you do, it's like you're always exhausted. You're on the verge of snapping. You don't want to hurt anybody. But what else can you do?
Sometimes, I just sit in a crowded place. As people mill around me, it's like you're being bombarded with stimulus and pain. You try to close your eyes, deep breathing and many of the other grounding techniques. But they don't work. What do you do then?
Flashbacks and pain hits you all the time. What's real and what isn't? As flashbacks and pain hit, you're screaming to not snap or black out. You have to fight back. Taking lots of meds isn't the answer. It just makes symptoms worse.
You feel stuck. You feel paralyzed. You can barely breathe. And it never goes away.