Back to more appointments and fighting to not fall apart. Nobody else will do it for you. You can't just sit and do nothing.
As you do though, you struggle to not black out from exhaustion. Earlier today my therapist asked, how many times a day do you dissociate? I said, at least 50. It feels like an endless cycle. Then, you rarely have brief moments of clarity. When you do, you also feel terrified, empty and abandoned.
What do you do then?