Lots of appointments this week. The cardiologist says that my irregular heart beat's getting worse. For the past two days I had to wear heart monitor all the time. Finally took it off today, and now I can go back to a normal routine. Next week, we talk about the results.
As for meds, my psychiatrist recommended a new anti depressant. That means depending on how I'm feeling, I'm taking anywhere from eight to ten meds a day.It felt good that she's listening to my concern about being drugged out all the time. We'll try this new one and see how it works.
What about other symptoms? Dissociating is still extremely painful. You literally feel paralyzed at times. You have to fight back. if you don't, hallucinations happen and you feel like you're falling apart.
Bad days still happen with anger and fleeting thoughts about raping little kids. At times every part of you hurts. But you have to fight back.
You want to feel safe.