Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Trying to Cope

Went to a new psychiatrist appointment today. Covered a lot, and the good news is that she understands how holistic approaches to healing can work. I go back in 2 months and then maybe I'll have to go back to a new medication. We'll see.

In the meantime, all the symptoms are still there. On bad days, I don't know where I am. In crowded places, everything is slowed down and magnified. Sights, sounds, colors, a face that triggers one of the psycho rapists. You know you're not a threat to yourself or anyone else. Yet you feel scared because you might attack somebody.

It's the right thing to do to protect both yourself and others.

Do you still feel abandoned? We do. Not to the point of saying f**k it and killing yourself. But you just feel paralyzed. You sit quietly and rock back and forth to reassure yourself, my multiples and little kid.
You just want to feel safe in your own home. We wake up in the middle of the night and check all over the apartment to make sure no one else is here. It's the middle of the night, and you feel like everything is totally empty and black,

What do you do?

We don't want to feel assaulted in our own home. We just want to feel safe.

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