Just one appointment this week. Then, a Christmas break. We can't go anywhere (due to being on a fixed income). Instead, we'll hang out here and stay away from all triggering stuff as much as possible.
Symptoms are still there. We haven't had a good night's sleep in over a month. Lots of nightmares, and then checking to make sure that no one else is in the apartment. You see a little kid out with their mom, and they look happy. But then you think, how come I never had that? Tiny things take a enormous amount of energy to do. You have to sit and focus before you go into a crowded place to protect yourself from threats.
Is everyone a threat? Is everyone carrying a weapon? Where's mine?
You can't just sit back and do nothing. You have to fight back.
Do you feel abandoned? While I have "immediate family" that I'm related to, other than that, that's it. It's really tough to find positive moments. Because, when you do immediately you're bombarded with horrible flashbacks.
You just want to feel safe.