Saturday, December 27, 2014

How Do You Cope with Despair?

How was your Xmas? Did you feel safe? We struggled at times to not black out. If I go shopping, I have to check to make sure there's nobody hiding in the back of my car waiting to grab me and slit my throat. In crowded places, is everyone a threat? The rational part of you wants to say no. Yet, you can't let your guard  down for a second.

We haven't had a good nights' sleep in over a month. Then, when you finally try to get up the next morning, you don't want to slip back into drinking lots of caffeine and sugar. I've been sober now for over twenty years. Do I want to go back to horrible alcoholism and feeling sick from junk food all the time? No I don't.

Do you feel abandoned? We break down and cry in the middle of the day.

Here's an important thing for all trauma survivors to keep in mind. The suffering are not an abstraction.

Pause for ten seconds, Then,  please reread the last sentence.

When you're trying to be heard, do you feel like people pay attention? On bad days with anger, we have to try really hard to not attack people. Also, to not hurt little kids.

Torture flashbacks still happen. You scream and fight to keep some sense of being grounded. despite that, at times nothing works,

What do you do then?

At the end of the day, we're totally exhausted. But you can't sit back and do nothing.

What's helping you right now?

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