Thursday, May 15, 2014

It's Not All Second Nature

We were so exhausted last night that we slept in late this morning. Then, some errands and doing some research about the best ways to continue to protect ourselves and get the proper treatment. One idea. If that doesn't work here, what about going back abroad? If yes, where would we go? How do we cover all of the costs?

We rarely get any sleep at night. Our appetite is poor. Tiny meals, and then we still feel bloated. If we suddenly sit up, we feel faint. We still dissociate at least 100 times a day. We have to fight really hard to not black out.

We're still struggling with the severity of our symptoms.

What's one of the hardest things we've had to face? The fact that nobody else will protect you. We don't want to get destroyed by anger, abandonment and then turn into some horrible monster. But we still have nightmares, and have to fight to not black out.

We try to keep a healthy balance as we go.

None of this is abnormal, considering our trauma history.
We're not insane, weird or a freak that's a danger to anyone.
We can't beat understanding of trauma into others.

Then again, you struggle with feeling abandoned. Does that ever go away?

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