You don't want to get eaten alive by anger or frustration. Yet, in our healing it feels like every day you struggle with this, abandonment and more. Almost every person we turned to for help did nothing. Now, we feel like we're dealing with the long term consequences of this.
You don't want to hurt yourself, or anybody else. But at times, you feel paralyzed.
Nobody asks to be a trauma survivor. On the other hand, at times you feel like you're the only one who sees all of the hypocracy in others. One minute, I'm concerned about you. The next minute, just go away.
What are you supposed to do?
You deserve better. But also, you try to keep some sense of balance as best you can. I can't make others understand about being a trauma survivor. But I will protect myself.
It's a matter of protecting your well being. You may have to be on some type of benefits to help you deal with and heal from your trauma history. However, it's also a matter of human dignity.
Do others pretend that you don't exist? I've had that as a homeless person and a trauma survivor.
How are you supposed to react to that?
I don't have a death wish in any way. yet at times, you have nightmares about what if you weren't around? An uncle died last week of heart disease. While I'm sorry for his family's loss, I don't want the same thing to happen to me.
You have to protect yourself.