Six appointments in the next two weeks. Started with a cardiologist and a checkup four moths after getting out of the hospital. After that, just stayed home and tried to rest. I'm averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. It's not because of eating too late or too much caffeine. It just feels like all of my symptoms are coming out (if that makes sense). I didn't want to deal with my full trauma history. Now, I am, without endangering myself or anyone else.
You try to ground yourself as best you can. Despite that, many times that doesn't help. At times, you feel like you're going to snap in two. It's like you're almost bouncing off the walls trying not to black out.
How do you cope with this? I don't want to go back to violent dissociating as a way to survive. At the same time, it's scary when you think about the long term effects of untreated trauma. Aside from one therapist, two short term counselors and my current therapist, NOBODY else helped me.
How does that effect you long term?