Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Covering Bases

Today's a day off. I was barely able to move yesterday, and my body was screaming stop. Today then just rest and plan ahead for my Friday appointment with the therapist.

Like many other conditions, many ask is PTSD curable? Will you always have it, and you just learn to live with it? I don't know. I just try to bear in mind that none of it is our fault. We did nothing wrong.

You scream and fight all day long to not fall apart. You can't just sit back and nothing, but then you will fall apart. It doesn't matter that the psycho rapist really isn't there, but you still have to fight your way out of a lucid dream. You can't just sit back and do nothing.

You feel empty and can barely move. You don't want to hurt yourself or anyone else. But the emptiness is still there.

What do you do then?

What's one of the hardest parts of dealing with trauma? Facing the full reality of your history in the most non-threatening way you can. I know it's not my fault. My multiples and my little kid also know it's not their fault. Having said that, you still struggle with occasional questions and fears.

How come so many who say they're concerned are so cruel?
Is it really true that it gets much worse before it starts to get better?

I don't know.

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