Wednesday, March 26, 2014

A Constant Battle to Focus

Another day of trying not to dissociate and worsening adrenalin surges. You try to concentrate and focus  your energy so it feels like a smooth flow, and you're not losing sensations in different parts of your body. But it still happens.

My next therapist appointment is next week. I try to keep some sense of calm. Despite that, you wake up in the middle of the nightI'm really trying to . Nightmares happen. Dissociating and hyperawareness. I'm really trying to pay attention to my intuition, especially with heart disease. How far can you go before you're putting your system in danger? I try to focus and to slow my pulse rate down. Even with that, at times that doesn't work.

Every source that I trust says the same thing. All of this is normal, considering what you've been through. You struggle with that, and the cruelness of others in the process. Why do they do and say that crap? I don't know.

I just to have  a sense of balance. One day with no symptoms.

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