You try to focus and stay grounded. Then, you feel like you're being bombarded with a million different flashbacks. It's like millions of fast cuts in a video, and you don't know how to stop it. You don't want to black out, because then you have no idea of where you are. Which means many times you grab the nearest thing to you and hold on.
I'm staying off of stimulants as best I can because my physical tolerance for them is gone. The tiniest amount still acts as a trigger for everything. You literally can't concentrate and feel like you're bouncing off the walls. Then, you're going to snap in two.
How do you keep from blacking out?
One key is that it's not your fault. None of this is an abnormal response to long term untreated trauma. It might feel like the rest of the world is falling apart. Despite that, you try to keep a sense of balance.
Does everything feel like a threat? How do you cope with that?