What Do I Have?

An early Happy Xmas. Sorry to be away for a while. But the past week has been a struggle with symptoms, the holidays, and feeling like all of my backed up trauma is flooding out.

I rarely get any sleep at night. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. When I can, I can slowly take a shower and get dressed. But when I standup and walk, I have to go extremely slowly because I feel like I have literally no energy. My appetite is down, and anything acidic I really can't handle.

What is it?:

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Fibromyalgia
MS
or something else?

I'm not sure. I will go to my doctor after Xmas to find out more. I think right now it's backed up trauma flooding out (mainly in exhaustion). But at times I really have to focus on breathing, because it's hard to do.

What is this? I'm not sure.

Quality Content and Promotion

Lots of stuff is a struggle right now around the holidays. In our healing, there's lots of depression and emptiness. It takes a HUGE amount of energy to get out of bed and get thru the day. On the other hand, it's all part of your healing process.

Thanks to our global network of readers. I don't know who you are. But you do, and thanks for the support. In exchange for all of this free stuff, we ask one thing. Please pass our URL onto others UNLESS it might cause a problem in some way.

Back to the tea.

How to Not Dissociate? Read This

For whatever reasons, it feels like all of my symptoms are getting worse. You feel run down, and at times can barely walk up a flight of stairs. However, all of the sources that I trust say the same thing. It's not abnormal. If trauma doesn't come out in one way, it will come out in others.

How do you not dissociate? These are just suggestions. Hope these help you as well.

As reasonably as possible, block all triggering content.
Delete content when needed.
Delete people when needed.
Try to get anger out in the most non-threatening way possible.
Fight to get past your stuck fight-or-flight mechanism.
Stay off stimulants as much as possible.
Keep up on your sleep.
Take breaks in the day when needed.
As positively as possible, say to yourself do something else that's positive.
It's not your fault.
You're not weird, a freak, or any other ridiculous garbage that other horrible people put out.
You're not abnormal in any way.
Do you really have to look at something? If it's not your job, is it worth it if it's going to make you dissociate for hours?
Sadness and a feeling of abandonment are not abnormal in healing from severe trauma.
You have no control over what others say and do. But you can protect your well being.
If you have thoughts about suicide, admitting that you do is healthy. Then don't act on them.
Don't intentionally put yourself in a dangerous situation.
Listen to your intuition. The healthier you are, the sharper it is.

More as it happens.

Screen Everything

Your mind/body connection is one thing. For the past few nights, nightmares have been getting worse. Also, a rapid heart beat, trouble focusing, trying not to attack anyone. What's been the plan for today?

Basically, take a break from a lot. Job hunting still goes on. But as for other stuff, screen everything and just pay attention to how you feel. Try not to slip and end up violently dissociating where you have no idea of where you are. My fight-or-flight mechanism is still stuck. Adrenaline surges still happen as well.

However, it's all part of healing from long term severe trauma.

Can Nutrition Cure PTSD and Other Trauma Symptoms? It Can help

If you're just discovering us, thanks for the time. As our readers know, we try to post a helpful blend of holistic information. Diet, exercise, meditation, and other stuff to help trauma survivors lower their stress as they seek help. With that in mind, that brings up the question about nutrition. Can nutrition be a helpful tool in healing from PTSD  symptoms (regardless of the underlying cause of the trauma)? In my opinion, it's one of many helpful tools.

Start with the basic concept of what traumatic energy is. It's energy trapped on a cellular level in different parts of your body. Ideally, you want a trained therapist to help you release it in the most non-threatening way possible. That in itself can be a huge challenge. Finding someone that you can afford AND trust.

If you don't stay away from stimulants (refined sugar, salt, MSG, processed soy), this will magnify that trapped energy. Too much caffeine over stimulates (and can potentially damage) neurons in your brain. Why not try to stay off of these as much as possible.

This doesn't mean never have fun or enjoy nice food, drinks, etc. Just be aware of the effects of things on you. Triggering content could be just as damaging as stimulants on your mind/body system. Is it one thing? Or, the traditional AMA idea of separate? Keep in mind back in the '50s, many doctors said that smoking was good for you and single payer health care was a evil Communist plot. However, Obama isn't a Communist or a Socialist. He's just someone with leadership potential who isn't using it (IMO).

As I continue to heal from a long history of untreated vicious abuse, I'm sticking to no caffeine. I've been off it for about six months, and I still have hallucinations from hyper acidity. Is there any way to measure how your nervous system heals (other than an acupuncturist using a meter to measure your chi flow)?

More stuff later.

Bombarded and Trying Not to Scream

You try to focus and stay grounded. Then, you feel like you're being bombarded with a million different flashbacks. It's like millions of fast cuts in a video, and you don't know how to stop it. You don't want to black out, because then you have no idea of where you are. Which means many times you grab the nearest thing to you and hold on.

I'm staying off of stimulants as best I can because my physical tolerance for them is gone. The tiniest amount still acts as a trigger for everything. You literally can't concentrate and feel like you're bouncing off the walls. Then, you're going to snap in two.

How do you keep from blacking out?

One key is that it's not your fault. None of this is an abnormal response to long term untreated trauma. It might feel like the rest of the world is falling apart. Despite that, you try to keep a sense of balance.

Does everything feel like a threat? How do you cope with that?

Getting Bombarded with Flashbacks

A rough night last night with endless flashbacks. You try to ground yourself, but many times it doesn't work. You scream and try to not black out. If you do, what happens then?

Pay attention to how things affect you. Is it second nature, or possibly bad for you?

How's Your Chi Flow?

Not a bad day today in trying to stay off of stimulants. This doesn't mean never have fun and don't enjoy good food, etc. Just be aware of how things affect you. It's like as your system stays cleaner, you're more aware of tastes, chemicals affecting your system and emotions as well.

Trying to focus and not dissociate.

Flashbacks and nightmares are still happening. It's not because you had a snack too late at night. It's because backed up trauma is flooding out. At times there are bits and pieces of scenes that I don't know. At others it's like one after another. You try to focus and not black out, but it's tough.

We're just trying for a sense of balance.

Keep Your Focus

Another rough start to he day. Fight to focus and feel like you have some sense of smooth energy flow in your body. Anger comes flooding out, and you feel like you're going to snap. How do you not do that in a crowded place? You still have to screen everything, because weird triggering stuff comes out of nowhere.

On the other hand, this is all part of a normal healing from long term abuse. Just try to keep your balance.

An Overall Approach

Trying to stay warm with some nice herbal tea. I already did the shopping for the night. Besides, it's too cold for a late night fast food run. Stay comfortable.

As part of that, try to stay off sugar and other stimulants as much as possible. My physical tolerance is gone, and the tiniest amount makes everything worse. I still have to focus to not lose sensation in different parts of  my body (due to adrenalin surges).

What causes this? I think it's backed up traumatic energy in different parts of your body. You exercise and try to keep a smooth energy flow. Yet you still have moments where you fight to not black out.

What else can you do?

Time to Break Our Rule

While normally we don't talk about progressive politics in this blog, sometimes you have to break that rule. In case you haven't heard this news, Nelson Mandela sadly passed away Thursday night at the age of 95.

We all know that despite all of the trauma he experienced in his life, he still managed to forgive. How did he do that? I'm not sure. Then again, while every trauma survivor's different and heals at different rates, it's also up to them what they choose to do in that process.

When you can, just pause for a moment and then carry on.

A Lot to Do

Still struggling with depression an my other symptoms Despite that, we just try to focus and keep moving forward, protecting yourself in the process.

As we try to stay grounded, you have to be careful to screen everything. Weird triggering stuff can happen onlne at any time. If necessary, block and delete.

As others struggle with trying to heal from their trauma, one key for me is to say I can't deal with my pain AND everyone else's all at the same time. My well being comes first. As long as that's okay, if an opportunity to help someone happens, then I'll try.

Why do others who say they're concerned treat you horribly (when they know it's not your fault)? I don't know. Having said that, keep in mind that they have to live with the consequences of their actions. Not you.

Have a great day.

Pay Attention

Normally we stay away from progressive political content. If you want that, there are billions of other blogs. Then again, once you know the rules you can break them to make a point.

We know that many vets have untreated PTSD symptoms. We also know that both women and guy vets are raped while on duty. In the past two weeks, four Canadian vets killed themselves. What are all of the reasons why? I'm not sure.

Despite that, this is yet another perfect opportunity to both educate and help millions who have untreated PTSD symptoms. The corporate MSM continues to perpetuate the myth that ONLY vets get PTSD. How then do you explain the ten percent of the Stateside population that have some form of it?

No disrespect to vets. But they don't have an exclusive lock on PTSD symptoms. It happens all thru society.

Whether you're  a vet or a civilian, you deserve to be heard and treated with respect to be able to heal from something that you didn't ask for. Is drugging people so they'll shut up about having PTSD the answer? No, it's not. It's a combination of many things (medication is necessary, people who will respect you and take you seriously, and more).

How is your healing these days? I have no desire to go back to rampant alcoholism or kill myself. on the other hand, it's important to admit when those thoughts are there. In my case, denial isn't an issue.
This means that backed up trauma will come out. If it doesn't, then you have big problems.

Will the corporate MSM stop pushing stupid stereotypes so trauma survivors can heal?

Trying to Keep a Sense of Focus

Lots of anger, frustration and feeling abandoned right now. We haven't snapped yet and attacked anybody (fortunately). It's a constant fight to not dissociate and feel paralyzed by depression. Going back on meds won't help. What else can we do?

Depression and More (Contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk)

I'm trying to keep my system clean as I deal with symptoms. Despite that, at times nightmares and other symptoms get worse. You have to shock yourself awake in the morning so you don't feel like you're cool and calm on the outside, and screaming on the inside. You feel bombarded with pain and flashbacks. Many times it's like bits and pieces that you don't know. On the other hand, you can't just sit back and do nothing.

It's not a matter of torturing yourself. It's a matter of trying to face your trauma history as best you can. As you do that, one minute it's pain. Then, almost crippling depression. Not to the point of wanting to off yourself or going back to anti-depressants that don't help (at least in my case).

All of the mental health sources that I trust say the same thing. Considering your long history of horrible untreated trauma, it only makes sense that it's flooding out now. If it didn't, then you'd have another breakdown.

Flashbacks happen, and you fight to not give into sick and twisted abuse and dissociative loops. What else can you do? As you do fight back, you have to be careful to not black out. By the end of the day, you're so wiped out you literally can't get up.

There's no long term illness caused by this abuse. No neurological damage in any way. Yet, I have to fight to focus every day. Even by doing the usual grounding techniques, many don't work.

What do you do then?

In my case, it's a long history of abuse, abandonment and fighting to no fall apart. Rampant alcoholism, addictions and severe illnesses. A serious junk food habit that only made things worse. Try roughly 300 gram of sugar a day. Endless gallons of caffeine, lots of salt and various other chemicals.

Now, I don't do that stuff anymore. The junk food is still a battle at times. But nowhere as out of control as it used to be.

We just want a sense of balance. Not perfectionism. But balance.