Welcome to Sequestration Cut Friday. For anyone who doesn't know, these are government cuts that Obama has to sign into law in the next 31 minutes (as we post this). Then, no matter how people spin these, they will happen and affect the global economy.
Now, onto other stuff.
Too cold to go out tonight. Instead, stay in with some nice herbal tea and Net radio. Went to a job fair earlier today (does the rest of the world say "job fair" when various emplyers gather in one place?). Had 8 interviews, and now more leads. Cover all your bases, and have as many options as possible.
As we walked around, at times it was hard to focus. No violent dissociating. However, symptoms are still there. Like any trauma survivor, we want to protect ourselves and go in the most positive direction we can.
That doesn't mean that nightmares aren't still there. It doesn't mean that lucid dreams aren't still there that we have to fight out way out of. Body pain is still there as well.
What else is still there? Flashbacks to horrible dissociating after being raped. You know something's wrong, but you're not sure what it is. You're scared to go to sleep at night. Will you wake up? Why do the same horrible things keep happening? Does anybody hear us trying to scream? How come nobody's there?
Nobody will touch you or reassure you in any way. Do all trauma survivors go thru this?
We use lots of drugs and other things to try and escape from horrible pain. But it only makes it worse.
Nobody's listening. Abuse is everywhere. On the other hand, we refuse to just roll over and die.
Nobody's paying attention. Do we also have to cure ourselves as well?
While you can't control what others do and say, normal human beings that didn't ask to be tortured can only take so much.
Now, at times it feels like there's some clarity. When that happens, not always but many times everything feels black. Not to the point that we'll say that's enough and off ourselves. We'll never make that mistake. Having said that, you have to protect yourself at all costs. Hopefully, where you are in the world isn't to the point where you have to take a gun with you everywhere you go. Will someone attack you? Is someone following you? Are you going to be killed on the job today?
Be selective where you post. Not all but many comment sections are trolls attacking each other because that's what trolls do (whether you're paid for it or not). Do you really want to be part of that?
We're just trying to cope with the despair and feeling of abandonment. Hope it's better in your part of the world.