Had to go out for a while. Now, it's back at home and trying to screen everything. No TV, no Trump garbage. Instead, some peace and quiet and trying to feel safe.
Lots of tea and trying to stay away from salt and sugar. Both played roles (and still do) in my heart disease. Your system can only take so much abuse before it gives out. Despite that, the extreme ups and downs still happen. One minute you feel like you have some sense of clarity. Then, you're one step away from hurting yourself.
Triggering things can come from the tiniest things. A color, a sight, a sound. A face that reminds you of others. Also, flashbacks to torture and daily non stop abuse. You can't control what horrible people say and do. But they do have to live with the consequences of their actions.
You have to fight back. You can't just sit and do nothing. Just going with the flow doesn't work. You try to cope as best you can.
But the pain never goes away.