Another day of battling symptoms and feeling like you're on the edge of something really horrible. You won't hurt yourself or anyone else. But you have nothing to hide behind.
Ever heard of Romeo Dallaire? He was a Canadian Army Colonel who was in command off the UN contingent in Rwanda when their massacre happened. Since then, he tried to kill himself four times and was diagnosed with horribly severe PTSD. Now with treatment he's relatively stable. But the symptoms will always be there.
There is no cure for PTSD. Triggers are everywhere and can happen at any time. You many not have any desire to hurt yourself or someone else. Then, that can change in a split second.
You know you're not a monster. You know it's not your fault. But that pain will always be there.
How do you cope? Try to face it head on, unless it endangers you in some way. Like all PTSD patients, I struggle with really horrible stuff every day. I know it's not my fault. But the pain will always be there.
You don't want to hurt anybody. You just want to feel safe.