Sunday, September 29, 2013

It Must Be the Weekend

A cloudy and cool Sunday as I sit and write. How's your time zone? If there are any problems (no holiday time, etc.), I have nothing to do with it.

Closer to home, we're still doing our best to keep a sense of balance. Not perfectionism, but a sense of balance. My junk food habit is almost non-existant because my tolerance for chemicals is almost gone. The tiniest amount of caffeine, sugar or soy makes symptoms way worse than they are now. In that sense, what else can I do?

How are you dealing with anger these days? We have to be careful because many times we have to focus before we go out. If we don't, it feels like we'll attack and kill anyone who gets in our way. I don't like the way you look. So I'll just kill you instead. I've never acted on any of this anger. Yet, my evil side is still there and many times screaming all kinds of sick racist and other garbage.

Do you still have despair and a sense of abandonment? Far be it for me to tell anyone else what to do or how they should feel. Having said that, these still happen to us. Can we trust anyone? Is literally every other person out to screw us over? How do we protect ourselves?

One way is to set positive boundaries where necessary. It sounds silly, but I'll say it anyway. It really is okay to say no when necessary. In the past, one survival mechanism was to turn away and silently scream so you wouldn't be abused. Now, I still struggle with that.

Do you feel like you'll literally snap in two? Do you want to just attack anyone that dares to even look at you? Is everyone lying to me when they say they're concerned about me?

Do nightmares still happen to you? At times we still struggle with hallucinations (due to ongoing caffeine withdrawl?). If you don't fight back, you feel like you'll fall apart and literally vanish.

You can't sit back and do nothing.

At the end of most days we feel totally wiped out. We try really hard to not dissociate. Instead, do something else that's positive and not destructive. When we do, many times it feels like we have to focus really hard to know what's real and what's not.

We try not to beat ourselves up over how severe our symptoms have been and continue to be. Yet, like any normal person you feel cheated and want validation. How do you balance those things?

Time now to break our "no progressive political content" rule for a second.

All of you know about the ongoing threat of a government shutdown and then debt default here in the States. Do you realize that if the States had single payer health care (like the rest of you), none of this would be happening? Then again, publically talking about single payer health care is currently illegal in the MSM.

On the other hand, we don't work for any of those people. So we'll continue to speak out.

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