Finally some peace and quiet at home. Just some writing online and some herbal tea.
Where did I vanish to? It wasn't by choice. My old laptop finally gave out (it usually happens when you least expect it). This meant some fast online shopping, comparisons, runarounds, and then finally upgrading my home network. Now I can do everything 5 times faster than before. Tyr to stay slightly ahead of the technology curve, if you can.
Symptoms are still there. Dissociating is hard to deal with when it happens with panic attacks. You feel like you don't know where you are, and how do you ground yourself? Sometimes the standard methods don't work. What then?
One mantra I try to stick with is despite all of the horrible symptoms that happen, it's not my fault. I did nothing wrong, and have no control over other horrible people. However, I will protect my overall well being.
Turn things off, and say that none of this is abnormal in any way. I don't have a death wish. I don't want to hurt either myself or anyone else. This is all perfectly normal considering the horrible trauma that happened to me.
On bad days with anger, I try to have time for me to just sit and focus. In a crowded place, try to focus as your evil side screams obscenities and other garbage at everyone around you. Try not to snap and literally fall apart.
I have days where it feels like you just cry. Then again, there's nothing wrong with facing your trauma history in the most non-threatening way possible.
Have a nice night.