Trying to Focus

Happy Friday.

How are you coping in the Global Economic Meltdown(Depression)? Sources are saying that the mental health budget cuts just keep coming. Some crisis centers are cutting back. Or, some helplines are actually turning people away. It's kind of hard to condense PTSD into a 10 minute call, no?

Lately, one minute it feels like there's a little clarity. Then, violent flashbacks. It feels like millions of sights, sounds and more come flooding out. And then you feel like you're going to black out. Sometimes you don't know where you are.

You feel like aside from the therapist, nobody can be bothered. So you compartmentalize and do your best.

Despite that, the terror of being raped comes out. We curl up in a corner and try to rock back and forth. We try lots of massage to stop adrenalin surges. Salt, sugar and fatty foods are out. The tiniest amount really sets off violent tremors and dissociating. Which means you have to be as healthy as you can.

You try to keep a balance. We're still looking for the new job. We're trying every creative approach we can. Stay away from all triggers as much as possible. Everything still has to be edited.

On really bad days we scream and fight not to black out. We don't know where we are. The sick assholes that raped us keep coming. When we go out someplace we still take a knife with us, just in case lucid dreams happen. Because you have to fight back. We will never be raped again.

How do you keep your clarity? Feel free to post your thoughts. And to pass on this URL everywhere it will help. In this Global Meltdown you do what you have to.