Saturday, October 10, 2009

Balance is the Key

Staying up late writing this and enjoying our latenight snack. Earlier today was really rough. LOTS of violent flashbacks, anger and lucid dreams. It's like everywhere you turn there's a psycho rapist waiting to jump you and then kill you. How do you juggle that AND everything else that you have to do?

We try not to dwell on the frustration and superficial crap that happens in many places. People say one thing to you. But the indirect message is don't ever talk about rape around me. Right. We didn't ask to be raped and go thru all of this s**t. Instead, you just can't be bothered. So keep your mouth shut?

At times it feels like you're getting hit by millions of sights, sounds, noises and more all at once. You feel like you're this close to blacking out. But you have to fight back. Nobody will help you. How do you deal with that fear?

Haven't been able to reach the therapist for over a week now. We'll give it a little more time. But if no luck then we'll go someplace else. If he's busy and just doesn't have time anymore to work with us, why not just email and say that? It seems like the global depression is cutting everything. Some helplines and crisis centers are either shut down or this close to shutting down.

Which means, if you need help where do you go? There's no national PTSD network. RAINN tries to help and routes you to other places. But some (while meaning well) have no training to deal with PTSD. Or guy survivors. What do you do then?

One minute it feels like there's a little bit of stability. Then, terrifying despair. We hold each other tight and try to ride it out as we shake violently because flashbacks are so scary. Even with that, nobody will help.

Does this happen to you. What do you do?

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