Thursday, February 12, 2009

Time to Catch Up

Note: This blog contains occasional "triggers" (sights, sounds and more) that might be disturbing to trauma survivors. This deals with one person's fight against PTSD from being repeatedly raped by more than one person. If this bothers you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for your support.

What's up in your world these days? Sorry to be away for a while. It's been looking for the new job, trying to make money online with new sites, symptoms and more.

The past few weeks have been brutal. For a while literally every day it was get hammered with flashbacks and lucid dreams. It's like someobody's beating you down and it's like, f**k you. I can do any f*****g thing I please. You scream and try everything you can to focus and stay grounded. But nothing helps. So you get in your car and go someplace quiet and scream for a few hours until you think you'll collapse. Then you go home and it starts all over again.

My therapist keeps saying it's backed up trauma and needs to come out. But what happens to having one day without symptoms? Will that ever happen?

And now, maybe the adrenalin wore off. And now I can barely move my left arm much of the time. Nothing's broken. But still what do you do when at times the anger is homicidal?

Does this happen to you? How do YOU deal with this?

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