Friday, January 23, 2009

Feeling Really Raw

This blog talks about one person's fight against ptsd from being raped. Sometimes I use "triggers" (sights, sounds and more) to get points across. But also to never hurt anyone. If these bother you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for the support.

How's your week? What's up with the Great Global Bailout? The latest I've heard is that the States share of it is $50 trillion. Not the $1 trillion that the Treasury Dept. keeps talking about (and has no idea where it is or where it's going). So how will we pay for all of this? Not sure.

How are you coping with PTSD? Everything feels really raw right now. I do all the positive stuff(exercise, be proactive, herbs, green tea). But despite all of that at times adrenlain surges feel like I'm going to snap. Dissociating still happens. Which means as much as possible avoid triggers. No news, no TV, radio is edited. Online stuff is edited. At times it's just too much.

Sometimes in the middle of the night horrible lucid dreams happen. I can't escape and someone's come to rape and then kill me. You fight back and then when you feel like you're going to pass out suddnely you get some relief. My therapist keeps saying that it's your body's way of re-balancing. But when it feels like this happens every day, at the end of that day what do you do?

I literally have nowhere else to go at the moment in the 3-D world. Online, I'm still looking for a new support group. After the last two I'm very cautious. I've even thought about starting my own PTSD helpline. But to really make it work it takes time to advertise it. And then the cost as well (if you have a big demand). 800 numbers(despite the recession) still are expensive (roughly .50 a minute). And with cuts happening all over, how do you fund that? Beg, grants and maybe Pay Pal donations (that's the real long shot).

How do handle the anger that feels like you're going to snap in two? Comments please.

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