Sunday, November 16, 2008

Keeping a Balance

This blog is one person's fight against horrible PTSD from being repeatedly raped. Occaisonally I use "triggers" (sights, sounds and more) to help get points across. If these bother you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for the support.

Kicking back in the weekend with NO noise. Lately triggers are everywhere. It's the whole range: sights, sounds, faces, noises, colors and more. Which means everything has to be edited. The flower essence helps some (along with almost no caffeine, junk food, sugar and other stuff). However, you still have to watch your step. Sometimes when you go out everything is magnified and you don't know what to expect.

How do you keep your balance? I know that there are a lot of survivors out there. But especially now, everybody is justifiably cautious. ID hackers can basically do anything they want (if they have the imagination and code writing skill). But that's ok.

How do you cope with a stuck fight-or-flight mechanism? Mine at times is still stuck. Especially when dissociating happens. It's like you have to focus really hard to push past that. My therapist says to pace yourself. Which in a way is good. But also, it's rough living in parallel realities. On the outside you're cool and calm. But on the inside you're ready to kill.

Will anybody ever acknowledge all trauma survivors in the same way? Probably not for a long time. Obama's talking about possibly appointing Tammy Duckworth to a high level job. If he allows her the freedom to bring about actual change and not the usual token crap, that's one thing. I wonder if she would ever talk about guy rape survivors still serving?

Nightmares still happen as well. One minute you think you're doing ok. And then the next it's despair and you don't know what to do. Others always talk about it evening out (like in sobriety). But at times you want to say, maybe so. Still, YOU'RE not the one who's fighting all of this stuff.

Have you had success with anything like Kava or HTP-5? What about using a little tea vs. green tea? I also do meditation and Tai-chi to try and maintain some calmness. Other things (like karate, kendo, ju-jitsu and others) do different things with chi. Tai-chi is the only one that I know of that allows you to focus on the chi and not just the movements.

If you have any suggestions, please post them here.


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