Another day where it feels like everywhere you turn, it's sick and twisted triggering stuff. You can't catch every violently triggering thing. But it feels like nothing's safe.
It's not your responsibility to stop every evil nasty person. But being a survivor, you struggle with protecting yourself and others. You have to fight back. Even though there's no one else physically in the same small space as you, you have to protect yourself.
Do you still have torture flashbacks? We do. Ever thought about getting a gun and killing the psycho rapist that raped you and got away with it. In our case, three never got prosecuted. Filing any case won't work. No statute of limitations, and if it's not a guranteed conviction, no prosecutor will waste their time and resources on it.
You don't want to kill anybody. But the thought is there. And it is important to admit that those thoughts are there.
Anger. Abandonment. Nightmares. Torture flashbacks. Wondering if you can trust anybody. Body pain. Violent dissociating. Struggling to protect yourself.
It's not your fault
You did nothing wrong
Being repeatedly raped doesn't make you worthless
You feel worthless. But you're not
You just want to feel safe.