A long day of fighting symptoms and at times feeling scared because you feel empty. You have to protect yourself as best you can. But you also have to fight to not dissociate and fall apart.
In my case, dissociating is like binge drinking. You think that it will let you escape pain, but it won't. It just makes it worse. You don't want to literally disappear. You don't know where you are. You don't know what time it is. And worst of all, you have to fight hard to not fall into the trap of just not caring anymore.
You scream and fight to not fall apart. You don't have a choice. If you don't fight back, it feels like you're literally be beaten down by horrible abuse. You have to fight back.
You have to protect yourself.
You have to fight back.
You have to protect your well being.
You feel exhausted all the time. But you don't have a choice.