Fighting really hard for the past few days to not black out from dissociating. Nightmares still happen. You fight your way out of it and don't have a choice. Otherwise you feel like you'll just fall apart.
Do you feel like you don't know what to do? Everything seems to get weirder all the time? You try and screen everything to protect yourself. But even doing that doesn't always work. What then?
At times you have thoughts about, what if I wasn't here anymore? Would anyone miss me or care? You don't have a death wish, but the thoughts are there. You have to fight really hard to not fall into that trap of thinking. Now, on top of that deal with all of the other symptoms and pain that happen every single day.
What happens then?
You just want to have some sense of being grounded and not under attack all the time. You just want to try and feel safe.