Monday, September 8, 2014

We Want to Feel Safe

We're sitting at home, and the doors are locked. No being bombarded with war, death, destruction, domestic violence and more. We just want to feel safe in our own home.

As you do, you have to focus to not dissociate and black out. It's like seeing jump cuts that you fight to get past. Nobody's there to listen or support you in any way. Every day you fight to not fall apart. Because nobody else will help you.

Adrenalin surges continue to happen. It's like you have no sensation in some parts of your body. You have to  concentrate to try and rebalance your system. Otherwise, it's like your whole body falls apart, and you can barely walk. At times in the past, symptoms were so severe that I couldn't walk more than ten feet without violently dissociating.

Now try and deal with that. Every day for years, because you know no other way to survive.

Nobody listens to you or helps you. Apparently they just don't care about anyone other than themselves. Why do they act so horribly? Who knows. But nobody makes them do that. They choose to do that. Which means they then deal with the consequences.

Nightmares are becoming more violent. It's like everyone's a threat. You can't trust anybody. You don't want  to feel like that. But when you've been disappointed so often, it's hard not to.

We just want to feel safe.

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