It is Friday (at least in this time zone). How's your weekend looking? Right now, here it's stay away from all triggering stuff as much as possible. Lately, I feel like I'm about six steps ahead of the world. Which can be a trememdous timesaver.
I'm still struggling with abandonment and other PTSD symptoms. No word about the potential new therapist. You feel at times like you're literally paralyzed with despair. I didn't ask for this. I don't want to hurt either myself or anyone else. Why then do I feel like nobody cares?
You don't want to turn into some horrible burned out person. You're not trying for perfect 24/7 bliss. Just a sense of balance.
Another part of it is struggling with the idea of I can save the world from all of the evil people. It would be great, but you can't do it. This means your health comes first. Then, deal with selective activism.
As I switch and try to stay away from triggering stuff (old favorite foods and other things), staying off of caffeine and sugar seem to be the two biggest improvements. Now, meditation is actually easier at times.
If you have sharp intuition, it can feel like you're getting bombarded with stimulus. In a crowded place, it's like trying to listen to every radio station on your stereo all at the same time. How then do you filter this?
It takes practice. Try and focus on one person. For people with severe dissociating, it can be hard to not focus on the other person as you're talking. If that still happens, don't beat yourself down because of it. Instead, just build up your focus as you go. Build the conversation around a mutual interest.
Maybe that's one of the best tools to use. Whatever the trauma is, it's not your fault. Everyone has different things to heal from. The point is that right now you're trying to cope as best you can.
Fear, abandoment, dissociating and all the other symptoms are still there. On the other hand, I'm really working on taking things in small 10 second splits. Keep in mind though that none of it is your fault. None of this is "abnormal" in any way.
Back to work.