Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Let's Catch Up

Finally some time to talk. How are YOU coping these days? The Bailout stuff keeps going. Torture is still legal in the States. What else is coming?

Do you still have symptoms? Today's another tough day with dissociating. Sometimes it feels like there's clarity. And then you have to focus REALLY HARD to not slip back. You fight that and do everything else.

Still, my multiples and little kid are terrified. The fear of nobody listening, nobody touching us in a positive way. Occasional horrible flashbacks to being raped.Terror as the rapist says, f***ing scream all you want. Nobody gives a s**t about you. What do you do to kill them? Will anybody listen THEN?

We try not to dwell on those that treated us like s**t. Just go on as positively as possible. Occaisonally I talk in other places about being a survivor. But still there's the this-is-too-f*****g-weird thing to deal with.

Does the despair ever go away? We hope so. But sometimes we wonder....

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