The Sun's Back!

The sun finally came out today!

Neighborhoods are drying out. Stores are starting to open again ((albeit with some rationing right now on some basics). Up above are National Guard cargo planes and Blackhawk helicopters. Don't see those flying around every day.

Almost 2 months now with no dissociative relapse. Just don't let your guard down. Extremely exhausting, but what else can you do?

Finally a Break

Some sections of town are still flooding. But the good news is our area seems to be shielded from much of the worst. The forecasters say it should be over by Friday. Hopefully tomorrow there's more access to doctor appointments, meds, groceries and more.

Symptoms and pain are still there. Arthritic pain is worse now. In the morning, it's a struggle to stand up and walk. On top of that, you got almost no sleep at all.

You don't want to turn into some burned out angry and cynical monster who says I just don't care about anything anymore. You just try to protect yourself as best you can.

Finally a Weather Break?

Harvey continues. But now, finally some sun tomorrow? We'll see. In the meantime, you fight symptoms and try not to slip and dissociate. You don't want to make pain worse.

Lots of pain and emotional ups and downs. You don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. But the pain is always there.

Protect yourself.

It's Still Here

It rains. It stops for about 5 minutes. Then it starts again. The Army Corps of Engineers calls two dams reaching record levels "an unprecedented historical event". Releasing some water from these will cause more flooding. But there's no other way to control the water in both dams.

Almost everything's closed. All the major freeways are almost completely empty. It's like a war zone. Many are totally flooded out. No car? Just walk and hope to be picked up by a helicopter or a boat.

Imagine walking thru the biggest city in your area and there's no traffic anywhere.

No predicted break until Thursday. In the meantime, symptoms are still there. Trying to keep some sense of balance.

Stay safe.

Harvey Comes Ashore

Yesterday, Hurricane Harvey was a tropical storm. Tonight, it's a Category 4 storm (5 being the highest). Winds in the center are around 135 mph. Now it's supposed to stay still and just endlessly rain for about 5 days. Possible rain of up to 3 feet (you convert to meters).

The power's gone off 3 times so far. Now, everything's on and we're prepared to survive for about 5 days. Hopefully we won't have to evacuate. But it's hard to deal with this and not be bombarded at times with flashbacks and other pain.

Just protect yourself as best you can.

A Storm and More

What's the latest? The tropical storm is now a Level 3 hurricane, and growing as we speak. It's supposed to hit the coast by tomorrow afternoon. Which means lots of last minute shopping (binge for some?). The bottled water is almost gone. Imagine rows with empty shelves. Our attitude? Plan for the worst. If it doesn't happen, you don't have to shop for a while.

Symptoms are still there. Arthritic pain is worse today. We try to look at it like it's trauma pain flooding out. At times you feel paralyzed. What do you do? Despite that, you have to fight back.

We can't control Trump. The government going bankrupt. Rampant racism. You just try to be aware and care. But your well being comes first.

You Can't Save the World All By Yourself

Everywhere you look, it's death and destruction. War crimes, racism, growing inequality. What can one person do about this? Can you save the world all by yourself? Unfortunately no. But, being aware and caring is just as important.

We're a firm believer in facing your trauma history head on as best you can. As long as it doesn't endanger yourself. Some days you feel like you have some fleeting moments of focus. Others, you battle to not black out.

Why do others who are horrible act and say horrible things? We don't know. But we do know that they have to live with the consequences of that. Keep you side of things clean as best you can. That way, you don't have to apologize later for anything.

The pain is always there.

Protect Yourself

A long day of fighting symptoms. Don't dissociate. Protect yourself.

Constant exhaustion. But you're on the right path.

Sorry to Be Away

How was last week? Here, lots of appointments and a real struggle with symptoms. Constant exhaustion as you fight symptoms. But you have no choice. You have to fight back.

Stay close.

Appointments and More Appointments

Another doctors' appointment tomorrow. This time, talk to a gi doctor about my positive cancer test screening result. Is it juts a false positive? Not sure. but the good news is that we've never been diagnosed with cancer. Right now, it's constant exhaustion. I think it's from my PTSD symptoms. But we'll find out more tomorrow.

You have to fight back. Don't dissociate. But it never lets up.

You have to Fight Back

Fight symptoms. The pain never goes away. We don't want to go back to a psych ward. But what else can you do?

Protect Yourself at All Costs

No sleep at night again. Also, more nightmares. You then wake up and feel like you're THIS CLOSE to going back to a psych ward. Am I insane? Am I weird. No to both.

But you have to fight back. Turn everything off. No TV. Almost nothing online. Screen everything. Is it safe to go outside? Even in crowded places, everything feels like a threat. Everything is a war zone.

I'm not a threat to anybody.

Fight Symptoms

Another night of almost no sleep. Then a dentists appointment. It was a real struggle at times to not hallucinate and have torture flashbacks. Get in my car, and it's flashbacks to car wrecks. Try to keep your p/h balance okay. If not, it makes everything worse.

I did nothing wrong.
We did nothing wrong.
It's not our fault.
Your symptoms are a reflection of your trauma history.

Screen everything and protect yourself.

Struggle to Focus

Don't slip. Don't dissociate. If you let your guard down, you might slip and fall apart. Some people do this and die from it. We have no death wish. We just want to protect ourselves.

Don't fall apart.
Don't dissociate.
Don't let your guard down.
Protect yourself

We don't want to fall apart. For a long time we were fighting to not turn psychotic because of our trauma history. We don't want to go back to that.

Protect yourself.

Los of Pain

Almost no sleep at all last night. It was like you couldn't move. No energy at all. Almost stayed in bed all day to try and get some sense of energy back. No shortness of breath or chest pain. But small things take a huge amount of energy.

Triggering things are everywhere. If you're not careful, it feels like you're in a war zone. What's real and what isn't? We've never had a day free of symptoms. Instead, you have to fight back.

Threats are everywhere. Everything has to be screened.  Protect yourself.

Constant Exhaustion

Fight symptoms and don't dissociate. You can't let your guard down. There's constant exhaustion. We still do other things to try and keep stress down. But the pain is always there. Small things take an enormous amount of energy. You have to fight.

Protect yourself.

Another Day of Fighting Symptoms

Triggering stuff is everywhere. Screen everything. You have to fight back. The pain never stops. On the other hand, we're following the right things in facing our trauma history as best we can.

Small things take an enormous amount of energy. Taking a shower. Walking out the front door. Getting in the car without feeling like the psycho rapist is going to cut your throat and kill you.

You have to fight back.

Fight to Focus

There is no cure for PTSD. Which means like any incurable thing, you do your best to try and cope. But the pain is always there. Pain, symptoms and psychotic episodes.

You're not crazy. You're not strange in any way. You have to fight to protect your well being. What else can you do?

Fight Symptoms

Fight symptoms. Lack of sleep. If we're lucky, maybe 2 hours a night. Constant exhaustion. But don't slip and binge on salt and sugar.

You have to protect yourself.