Fight symptoms and exhaustion all day long. Triggering stuff feels like it's everywhere. Which means you always have to screen everything to protect yourself.
Nightmares still happen. At other times, split second thoughts about raping little kids also happen. Even though it does, we'll never act on that and we're not a psycho pedophile just because it does happen.
That doesn't change the fact that you feel sad, abandoned and struggle to keep some sense of balance. What else can you do?