Went to see the new psychiatrist earlier today. I tried to explain about my symptoms and that I'm not saying I'll NEVER take meds. It's just that with 3 severe addictions in the past, I have to be careful. Those actually made my symptoms worse. She kept saying today, lots of drugs aren't addictive, so it's okay. How can a drug not be addictive or have side effects?
I try instead to take a holistic approach as much as I can. Stay off of stimulants and exercise to try and burn off some trapped trauma energy. It doesn't always work, but at times it helps. At times I feel like I have no energy at all. I can barely get out of bed. I can barely walk to my front door and then out to my car. Then again, all of this is normal, considering our trauma history.
You're not "weird" or "abnormal" in any way.
I don't want to go back to destructive dissociating. It's still terrifying to try and face how severe my symptoms have been. You never got the help that you needed. Now, you're dealing with the consequences.
Slipping into dissociating is like binge drinking. You think it will give you some relief from pain. Instead, it makes it worse. A really acidic diet makes symptoms worse. Stimulants are like doing coke.
We have to protect our well being.