Spent much of the past two days at Social Security, trying to get copies of the tests they had requested. I finally got them backed up on a CD. Went home and printed everything out, and it's a mix. The psychological one wasn't that much of a surprise. Keep going to therapy, and consider going back on SSRI (psychiatric medication).
The cardiac one in some ways confirmed what we already knew. I have diminished heart function and an irregular heart beat. This is for several reasons:
An irregular heartbeat can be hereditary, in some cases.
The constant struggle to fight to survive being a rape survivor can affect your heart function in many ways. Essentially, your system can only take so much.
Did I make myself sick on purpose? No. But, we're now dealing with some of the long term consequences of not getting help for ultra severe long term PTSD symptoms.
Part of it is to try and keep some sense of balance, and not go back to pefectionism. Also, we'll talk to the therapist next week about meds. The psychiatrist is suggesting that I go back on them. However, in doing some research on meds and side effects, I found an article that says that over the past twenty years it's been proven that SSRI (psychiatric) meds actually hurt you more thna help you. Not once in the conversation did she ever mention that. While I don't expect perfection, this really bugs me. Right now, I feel taking a more holistic approach is better than going back to meds.
The last thing I need is to go back to horrible side effects.