Fighting symptoms and to not black out from dissociating. If you let your guard down, you might think that it will make pain go away. Instead, it's just the opposite. The pain gets worse. Also, triggering stuff is everywhere. You have to screen everything to try and protect yourself. This can mean some days with no TV or noise really at all. You have to feel safe.
You have to protect yourself.
You have to fight back.
You can't let your guard down and then relapse.
Why do we keep relapsing? Because the pain never goes away.
But you have to face it head on. Unless it endangers you in some way.
Sometimes you feel totally overwhelmed. But you don't have a choice. You don't have a death wish. You don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. So you have to fight back.
Go down the street to a liquor store and stock up and then black out? Destroy 26 years of sobriety? No.
Do something else.