This blog talks about one person's fight against ptsd from being raped. Sometimes I use "triggers" (sights, sounds and more) to get points across. But also to never hurt anyone. If these bother you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for the support.
How's your week? What's up with the Great Global Bailout? The latest I've heard is that the States share of it is $50 trillion. Not the $1 trillion that the Treasury Dept. keeps talking about (and has no idea where it is or where it's going). So how will we pay for all of this? Not sure.
How are you coping with PTSD? Everything feels really raw right now. I do all the positive stuff(exercise, be proactive, herbs, green tea). But despite all of that at times adrenlain surges feel like I'm going to snap. Dissociating still happens. Which means as much as possible avoid triggers. No news, no TV, radio is edited. Online stuff is edited. At times it's just too much.
Sometimes in the middle of the night horrible lucid dreams happen. I can't escape and someone's come to rape and then kill me. You fight back and then when you feel like you're going to pass out suddnely you get some relief. My therapist keeps saying that it's your body's way of re-balancing. But when it feels like this happens every day, at the end of that day what do you do?
I literally have nowhere else to go at the moment in the 3-D world. Online, I'm still looking for a new support group. After the last two I'm very cautious. I've even thought about starting my own PTSD helpline. But to really make it work it takes time to advertise it. And then the cost as well (if you have a big demand). 800 numbers(despite the recession) still are expensive (roughly .50 a minute). And with cuts happening all over, how do you fund that? Beg, grants and maybe Pay Pal donations (that's the real long shot).
How do handle the anger that feels like you're going to snap in two? Comments please.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Fighting Not to Dissociate
This blog talks about one person's fight against PTSD from being raped. Occasionally I use "triggers" (sights, sounds and more) to get points across. If this bothers you, stop now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for the support.
How's your week? I'm trying really hard to stay away from triggers as much as possible. Dissociating still happens. And at times it feels like you're getting beaten down all the time. Horrible flashbacks and it's like everything's exploding all at once.
I meditate, use my herbs and try to do as much healthy stuff as possible. But sometimes you feel like you're hanging on the edge.
My therapist keeps saying that everything is flooding out and it will even out. But sometimes I wonder about that. One minute we feel ok. The next minute we think we're going to scream and fall apart.
How do others treat you as a survivor? Being a guy survivor, I try not to dwell on the feeling that nobody wants to be bothered. But sometimes it's a real challenge to do it. To not give into the homical anger and kill everybody who gets in your way.
Thanks for the comments. Please link this blog everywhere you can.
How's your week? I'm trying really hard to stay away from triggers as much as possible. Dissociating still happens. And at times it feels like you're getting beaten down all the time. Horrible flashbacks and it's like everything's exploding all at once.
I meditate, use my herbs and try to do as much healthy stuff as possible. But sometimes you feel like you're hanging on the edge.
My therapist keeps saying that everything is flooding out and it will even out. But sometimes I wonder about that. One minute we feel ok. The next minute we think we're going to scream and fall apart.
How do others treat you as a survivor? Being a guy survivor, I try not to dwell on the feeling that nobody wants to be bothered. But sometimes it's a real challenge to do it. To not give into the homical anger and kill everybody who gets in your way.
Thanks for the comments. Please link this blog everywhere you can.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The First in 2009
Happy 2009. This blog deals with one person's fight against horrible PSTD from being repeatedly raped by more than one person. Sometimes "triggers" (sights, sounds and more) are used to get points across. If these bother you, stop now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for the support.
Have a good New Year's? How's it so far? Feels like turmoil everywhere you look.
My holidays were rough. Lots of horrible dissociating and time in my car screaming. I thought about drinking a few times. And about suicide. But I'm still here.
As I was sitting there bashing my steering wheel and fighting not to disappear, we kept saying, we're not going to die. We're not going to just roll over and dissociate forever. If we don't fight back, we're afraid that we'll snap and seriously hurt or kill someone.
We fight to not dissociate. We fight to not have flashbacks or lucid dreams. We called a hotline to try and get help. And they said, stop calling so much because you're abusing this line for "free therapy." Which is totally not true. I only call when it's absolutely necessary.
What are we supposed to do? It feels like everywhere we go people don't listen or have some stupid cutbacks to deal with. And they don't say that upfront which can add even more stress.
Are you dealing with the same stuff? How do you cope with this? If we don't fight back it's like being raped all over again. It's like the sick asshole that raped us is laughing and saying I'm gonna f**k you till you die. And nobody gives a s**t either.
We are not going to just roll over and die. We are not going to just roll over and dissociate forever.
Have a good New Year's? How's it so far? Feels like turmoil everywhere you look.
My holidays were rough. Lots of horrible dissociating and time in my car screaming. I thought about drinking a few times. And about suicide. But I'm still here.
As I was sitting there bashing my steering wheel and fighting not to disappear, we kept saying, we're not going to die. We're not going to just roll over and dissociate forever. If we don't fight back, we're afraid that we'll snap and seriously hurt or kill someone.
We fight to not dissociate. We fight to not have flashbacks or lucid dreams. We called a hotline to try and get help. And they said, stop calling so much because you're abusing this line for "free therapy." Which is totally not true. I only call when it's absolutely necessary.
What are we supposed to do? It feels like everywhere we go people don't listen or have some stupid cutbacks to deal with. And they don't say that upfront which can add even more stress.
Are you dealing with the same stuff? How do you cope with this? If we don't fight back it's like being raped all over again. It's like the sick asshole that raped us is laughing and saying I'm gonna f**k you till you die. And nobody gives a s**t either.
We are not going to just roll over and die. We are not going to just roll over and dissociate forever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
