Sunday, July 6, 2008

Feeling Really Battered

NOTE: This blog contains occasional use of "triggers" to help explain battling PTSD from sex abuse. These can be many things:

key phrases
a loud noise
and more

If these bother you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for your support.

Have a nice holiday weekend? Almost Monday and back to the grind. This weekend has been rough with a lot of symptoms. Dissociating has been really nasty. Adrenalin surges still happen, and you really have to focus to not lose sensation in different parts of your body.

Not only that, but there's lots of sadness too. It feels like nobody listens or cares. Literally everybody (aside from my therapist) can't be bothered. So what do you do? If I sink down to their level that's totally screwed. Instead I try to compartmentalize as best I can to keep going forward. But like everybody I have bad days and feel paralyzed.

What else do I do? I still edit triggers all the time. My fight-or-flight mechanism is still stuck. So for someone else, getting out of bad thoughts takes five seconds. for me, sometimes it takes an hour or more. Imagine then dealing with this every single day.

Sometimes I just fall down and cry. And literally don't know what else to do. If you have any suggestions on how to cope, please let me know.

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