Face Your Pain Head on As Best You Can

The pain and suffering continue in Puerto Rico. Racist Trump could care less about it. But from a distance, you do what you can to help. What's mandatory is that your well being comes first. Because it's too much to handle.

Symptoms are always there. When was the last time we got a good nights' sleep? We can't remember? Usually if you get any sleep at all, it feels like it's in one hour bits. You have to stay away from violently triggering things. When we go shopping, it's like we literally can't go thru certain sections in the store. It's just not safe. You later have horrible nightmares where it feels like your most horrible fears come out. They come out and nobody will help you. But you have to fight back.

Don't dissociate. You have to constantly fight to keep some sense of balance. Otherwise you feel like you'll just dissolve. This means constant exhaustion. But what else can you do?

Protect yourself.

Pain Is Always There

Fight symptoms all day long. Why? Because you have to.

Pay Attention to the Small Things

People still continue to ignore those suffering in Puerto Rico. Trump continues his racist garbage. We continue to fight symptoms.

My health group approved the colonoscopy (in late October). At times we've struggled with a long list of symptoms. Are these connected to some type of cancer? Or, just because of our trauma history?

Bone pain in our legs, arms shoulders, neck, back and hands.
Pain in our shoulders.
Having trouble being able to stand up (due to no energy).
No sleep at night.
Constipation.
At times having trouble focusing.
Having trouble eating.

Big meals? Can't handle those anymore. Sugar? Tiny amounts are really painful. We're trying to pay attention to small things in how we feel. Can an undealt with trauma history or toxic chemicals make you more susceptible to a long list of diseases? We say yes.

Stay safe.

Screen Everything

People continue to struggle in Puerto Rico after the hurricanes. Yet, nobody pays attention on the US mainland. Despite that, you have to protect yourself. You can't deal with your own suffering and the rest of the world all at the same time. It's too much.

Protect yourself.

Symptoms Never Go Away

Fight symptoms and don't dissociate. Every day you feel like you're on the edge and if you're not careful you'll fall apart. We don't want to dissociate. We don't want to vanish and not have any idea of where we are.

You have to fight back.
You have to protect your well being.
You can't just sit back and do nothing.

We're not crazy. We have health problems that we didn't ask for. You have to screen everything to protect yourself.

Stay safe.

Do The Right Thing

Time to do some home cleaning. Also, fight symptoms and protect yourself. Everything has to be screened. You just want to feel safe.

Protect yourself.

Don't Dissociate

A long day of fighting symptoms. Don't let your guard down and then black out. You constantly have to fight back to keep some sense of being grounded. You have to protect your well being.

We're not crazy. We're not a threat to anybody. We're not insane. We're perfectly normal and dealing our trauma history as best we can.

Face it head on. The surest way to feel horrible is to not face your trauma history head on. As long as it doesn't endanger you in some way.

You have to fight back. You have to protect your well being.

You feel totally wiped out. But what else can you do?

Fight to Keep a Sense of Balance

Fight symptoms and don't dissociate. Don't black out. You have to screen everything to protect yourself. Why? Because weird triggering stuff comes out of nowhere.

It's not your fault.
You did nothing wrong.
You're not weird, strange or a danger to anybody.
You have to do the responsible thing.

Protect yourself.

No Power for 6 Months and More

Right now, Puerto Rico has no power. Anywhere. Destruction everywhere. Good luck in trying to find a working phone line. Maybe ham radio connections. We'll see.

While we can't save the world all by ourselves, you try to be aware and care. But your well being comes first. At times we turn everything off. We want no noise. We just want to feel safe in our own home.

Protect yourself.

You Have to Fight Back

Another hurricane comes thru Puerto Rico. Now, the ENTIRE territory will have no power for 6 months. Imagine a major city in your area with no power for 6 months. What would you do?

Went to another cancer screening test on almost no sleep. After that, had a big late breakfast, went home and then slept. Just rest and protect yourself. The doctor will call back with the results. So we'll see.

In the meantime, you have to fight back. We're not a threat to anybody, including ourselves. What else can you do?

Protect Yourself

The hurricanes keep coming. The neocons want to kill millions with their "health care" bill. The rich and powerful say they can have the best of everything. Why? Because they're rich and powerful, of course.

Right now, no noise. No TV, no being bombarded with pain. There's enough of that every day as it is. Instead, protect yourself. Don't dissociate. Don't let your guard down so that you'll fall apart. You have to protect yourself.

Health is holistic. Both physical and mental. When problems flare up, they're connected to something deeper.  Because it all has to come out. If trauma doesn't come out in one way, it will come out in other destructive ways. Why do addicts use? To escape pain.

What other choice do you have except to face it head on?

Don't Relapse

Another day of fighting symptoms and to not black out. Dissociating will only make thing worse. Protect yourself at all costs.

Struggling with Symptoms

A long day every day fighting symptoms. Feeling abandoned. Facing the full  terror of your trauma history. Nobody helped me for a really long time. They'll never apologize. Nothing you can do about that. Except to say they have to live with that. Nobody forced them to say and do cruel things. Now it's your problem.

Today, don't dissociate. You try and just sit quietly and focus on the space you're on and things around you. Nobody's there. Don't black out. The symptoms and pain will never go away. You just try to protect yourself as best you can.

Fight Dissociating

Fight dissociating and other symptoms, all day long. You turn things off and just focus on trying to feel grounded. But it never stops. You have to fight back.

Protect yourself.

You have to Fight Back

Another day of fighting symptoms. You have to fight back. Don't dissociate. Otherwise you'll fall apart.

Right now a break from nightmares. But the pain never goes away.

No More Storms. But Symptoms Are Still There

Sorry to be away. But it's been a real battle to deal with hurricanes and symptoms. We have a long history of severe addictions. At times it feels like the pain from all of those hits you at once. Now add the PTSD symptoms to that. Sometimes you just want to sit and turn everything off. Just focus on quiet. Don't be bombarded with pain.

But the pain never goes away.

You can't control others. But you do your best to protect yourself. You're not a threat to anybody else. But you have to be careful on bad days with anger, pain or abandonment.

The pain never goes away.
The pain never goes away.
The pain never goes away.

Protect yourself.

More is Coming

First it was Harvey. Now Irma will hit Florida tomorrow. While we try to be aware, at times you just need a break from it.

Symptoms are still there. Despite the pain and how horrible facing our trauma history is, we know we're doing the right thing. Don't dissociate. Don't let your guard down where you might relapse. It's just like an addict. It only makes pain worse.

Stay safe.

Fight Symptoms

You have to fight back. Never let your guard down so that you might slip and dissociate. The pain never goes away.

But what else can you do?

One's Done. More on the Way

Harvey's done. Now it's Irma. After that, Tropical Storm Jose. Irma is the second most powerful Atlantic hurricane ever. Climate change is getting stronger.

A constant struggle with symptoms. Don't dissociate. You have to always fight to keep some sense of being grounded. You don't have a choice. If not, you'll fall apart.

Protect yourself.

Don't Dissociate

A holiday that almost nobody took off (due to trying to recover from Harvey and more). This week, back to a new doctors' appointment. Don't dissociate. Protect yourself.

Covering a Lot

Got around a lot today with various bills and more. Slowly many things are starting to come back to normal. You do your best.

In the process, it's really exhausting to deal with symptoms. Especially to not dissociate. We don't want to have a relapse and end up literally falling apart. You have to protect yourself. But at times flashbacks happen, and then abandonment and more.

But it's not our fault.