Monday, September 15, 2008

Getting Slammed Hard

NOTE: This blog contains one person's battle against PTSD from rape. Occasionally I use "triggers" to get key points across (sights, sounds, and other disturbing things). If these bother you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for your support.

Happy Really Depressed Stock Market Monday. The Dow was down at one point over 500 ponts. The big question: will the Fed let AIG go bankrupt? Or will they give in after the other major banks and sources of capital say screw this, you do it. The "expert commentators" can go on all day about it. But the bottom line is that if it goes bankrupt, it'll be horrible shockwaves throught the economy. In an election year. And what's even worse? The two major campaigns will avoid it at all costs until they're forced to stop (for a short time) stupid ass idiotic attack ads and talk about real issues and answers.

How are you holding up in your healing? lately I've been getting hit hard. Horrible dissociating, flashbacks and more. My therapist and others keep saying eventually it evens out. But I'm thinking, you're not the ones who have this all the time.

Triggers are EVERYWHERE. No TV, no radio (unless it's a big story or world emergency). My laptop is down due to a hardrive error. So a step at a time.

But how do you keep from just snapping? In the morning I open my eyes and it takes time to focus and stop screaming because the dissociating is so bad. Everything has to be edited. if not, it takes literally hours to focus and then be able to go on. What do you do when it feels like the rest of the world is happy and you're stuck at home screaming trying not to snap? My multiples, little kid and I all know that it's not our fault. We didn't ask to be raped or treated like s**t everywhere we go for help. So what do we do? A stuck fight-or-flight mechanism is still a huge problem. But it feels like the whole world says you don't exist. A woman rape survivor we can deal with. But guys? No way. We just don't talk about this kind of thing.

Nobody listens and nobody can be bothered. So what do you do?

NOTE: Thanks for the ongoing support. FYI: I do keep track of the hits that I get here. BUT, nothing beyond that. So be assured that if you post something here, nobody's keeping a secret data base on you that's in some NSA supercomputer.

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