A Connection Between Your Symptoms and p/h Balance?

Staying home at the moment and trying to focus our energy. Lately it feels like we have to focus ALL THE TIME  to try and not dissociate or have problems with other symptoms. In essence, try to maintain some sense of balance. This also means feeling really run down.

As I talk to my various sources, it seems like there's almost no research or study that talks about the roles diet and other holistic treatments play in PTSD treatment for all clients. Almost always the holistic tools (meditation and acupuncture) are for use for vets. What about the rest of us?

With that in mind, here are some thoughts about what I've found and what helps me. This is just information that's hopefully helpful. What you do with this after reading is up to you. I assume no responsibility for anything that's said or done by anyone else after reading this.

Is there a connection between your p/h balance and PTSD symptoms (regardless of the type you have)? I say yes. Why? Think about your daily diet. Is it heavy on junk food and heavy tasting foods (tomato based dishes, sausage, stuff with lots of fat and fructose syrup)? For a long time I unintentionally abused my system with lots of this to escape the pain of being raped. The bad news is that it made it worse. Now I feel like I'm detoxifying from it (in addition to other trauma coming out all at the same time).

How long does it take to detoxify? I'm not sure. Some experts say anywhere from a few months to two years. What else is connected to trauma? Adrenal glands, blood pressure and more. If you then try to rebalance your system, it only makes sense in general that your p/h balance would reset itself.

Is it possible to eat totally organic? Not right now. Instead, I'm just redoing some of my usual dishes to see how I'll feel.

Have you had any experience with this? If yes, post some comments. Thanks.

Working for Some Focus

Another almost sleepless night of nightmares and acute body pain. Also, vivid and terrifying sensations about being raped. I keep trying to remind myself, the  psycho rapists aren't there. Yet, the body pain is.

Now, just trying to keep some sense of focus and balance. Some formerly favorite foods are just way too triggering. How do we cook without this stuff? You can do it, and in some cases actually save money. Which is one way to look at it.

As for symptoms and other problems, we just try to bear in mind that it's not our fault. As terrifying as this is, none of it is abnormal in any way. If others choose to say and do horrible stuff (emphasis on choice), I'm not responsible for that. On the other hand, I am responsible for protecting my health and self esteem. Which I will continue to do.

If you check the map on our opening page, you can see the global reach of this blog. We're now in almost all 50 states and almost 50 countries. Others at times ask, why continue to speak out? The answer is a basic human need to be heard. Nobody asks to be traumatized and then ignored. As long as it's not a threat to either my safety or someone else, I'll keep doing this.

Tip for the day. Try to lower the acidic content in your diet. I can't scientifically prove it. But in my case lowering it to help your p/h balance helps to control PTSD symptoms to an extent. You still have bad days with emptiness, feelings of abandonment and more. Despite that, just keep in mind that you're telling the truth. And that's all that matters.

It's a Mix of Stuff

Hi. Sorry to be away for a while. It's been a really rough week. Everything from job interviews to not getting any sleep at night from anger and other symptoms coming out. Now, let's catch up.

We try to keep in mind that we have no control over what others say and do. Odds are that Obama won't call back, even if we did get the Oval Office number. It also amazes me how cruel
various people can be without apparently any comprehension or sign of empathy whatsoever.

Despite all that, what helps frankly not just give in and off yourself?

First, despite all the terror of symptoms, abandonment and what others do and say, I know (and my multiples and little kid also know) that it's not our fault. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't ask to be humiliated and laughed at while we're in horrible pain. Maybe that's one of the hardest things
to deal with in our healing. How anybody could be capable of that.

We've literally had to fight every single day since we got raped to survive. 99% of the world couldn't be bothered to listen or to take us seriously. It's like being attacked every single day. Nobody's going to listen or care.

How then do you survive?

One answer? Nobody forces others who for whatever reasons decide to do and say cruel things. They choose to do it. Which means that like everybody else, they're responsible for what they do and say. It's not my job to be their therapist and fix this for them. They have to live with the consequences.

On really bad days, we just turn things off and cry all day long. You feel like an empty shell and go thru the day doing various things. If someone asks usual things (how are you, did you find everything you need and more), you smile and respond with the usual responses to get out of there. It's not the normal ups and downs that we all deal with. It's endless despair. You wake up in the morning, and everything feels black. You try to focus and then sit. Everything still feels black.

What do you do then?

Many times we just rock back and forth. My multiples and little kid like that, and not always but many times it helps. Why? Because since we've been raped, we've only had ONE person actually give us a non-threatening reassuring hug and actually mean it when they said I'm sorry you were raped.

If that's only happened once in your entire life, what kind of effect does that have on you? You could say everybody's different. Therefore there's no way to really answer that. While everyone is different, from a survivor's perspective that's dodging the question.

What then does help? Maybe just breaking things down into small segments. How do I get thru the next ten seconds without blacking out? How do I cope with horrible feelings of abandonment? Like literally no one can be bothered to admit that you exist.

How would you cope with that?

Anyway, again sorry to be away for a while. I'll try to keep up here as regularly as I can. Any complaints about this, please blame (a) the economy, (b) politicians. Or (c) both a and b.

Free Global Coping Methods

It is Friday (at least in this time zone). How's your weekend looking? Right now, here it's stay away from all triggering stuff as much as possible. Lately, I feel like I'm about six steps ahead of the world. Which can be a trememdous timesaver.

I'm still struggling with abandonment and other PTSD symptoms. No word about the potential new therapist. You feel at times like you're literally paralyzed with despair. I didn't ask for this. I don't want to hurt either myself or anyone else. Why then do I feel like nobody cares?

You don't want to turn into some horrible burned out person. You're not trying for perfect 24/7 bliss. Just a sense of balance.

Another part of it is struggling with the idea of I can save the world from all of the evil people. It would be great, but you can't do it. This means your health comes first. Then, deal with selective activism.

As I switch and try to stay away from triggering stuff (old favorite foods and other things), staying off of caffeine and sugar seem to be the two biggest improvements. Now, meditation is actually easier at times.

If you have sharp intuition, it can feel like you're getting bombarded with stimulus. In a crowded place, it's like trying to listen to every radio station on your stereo all at the same time. How then do you filter this?

It takes practice. Try and focus on one person. For people with severe dissociating, it can be hard to not focus on the other person as you're talking. If that still happens, don't beat yourself down because of it. Instead, just build up your focus as you go. Build the conversation around a mutual interest.

Maybe that's one of the best tools to use. Whatever the trauma is, it's not your fault. Everyone has different things to heal from. The point is that right now you're trying to cope as best you can.

Fear, abandoment, dissociating and all the other symptoms are still there. On the other hand, I'm really working on taking things in small 10 second splits. Keep in mind though that none of it is your fault. None of this is "abnormal" in any way.

Back to work.

Cloudy and Triggering

How's your weekend looking? Here, cloudy, cool and lots of triggering things happening. Screen everything, and if you have a bad feeling about something you're right.

Lately we've been dealing with how we used junk food, booze and other stuff to try and cope with the pain of being raped. The good news is that we don't do that anymore. Ok, as little junk food as possible. As for the other stuff, we really don't do that. This means at times it feels like emptiness is there all the time. On the other hand, facing trauma head on is a good thing.

There's also anger and trying not to get caught in dissociating with no way out. It feels like a bad dream that you can't escape. Does this still happen to you?

Back to covering bases.

Keep a Smooth Flow

A rough day with adrenalin surges. At times you fight to keep sensation in different parts of your body. It's like your chi flow is messed up, and you have to concentrate and force it back into balance. Now, fight that all day long AND do everything else you have to.

Dissociating is still there. Does it get worse as you try to clean up your diet from lots of junk food? You be the judge.

Herbal Tea and Then Some

Some latenight NBA highlights as we wind down after a long day. That and some herbal tea.

How are your PTSD symptoms? Here, we still have everything. The hardest ones lately are dissociating and adrenalin surges. We've been off refined sugar now for almost a week, and at times it's harder to focus. Despite that, we still stick to meditation, setting boundaries and screening everything. It has to be done.

Don't misunderstand. It's not a matter of perfection. 24/7 Zen bliss. It's a matter of having a sense of balance.

We stay away from triggering stuff as much as possible. In job hunting, at times that can be tough to do. You have to check out everything and everybody. You can find out quite a bit, if you know where to look. Why? Because just blindly cold calling some business and assuming that everything's great is over. It's a matter of finding a job AND protecting your health (both physical and mental).

We take lots of breaks and turn everything off. Drop off business cards with potential job leads. You help me and I'll help you. Don't wait for opportunities to come to you. Be as proactive and balanced as you can.

Having said that, how do you cope with despair? The "fiscal cliff" will wipe out civilization as we know it. Ok, maybe not THAT bad. How do you keep your sense of balance when it may feel like the world can't be bothered to deal with you? It's YOUR problem to fix. Now, please go away.

How do you cope with that?

All normal human beings are not light switches. Instantly deal with horrible trauma and then move on as if nothing has happened? It doesn't work like that. The current 24/7 soundbite newscycle that we live in says it does.Then again, how many of them have had horrible trauma to deal with? If a celebrity comes out about being a trauma survivor, odds are they won't lose a job, their savings or their home. They won't lose health coverage. Essentially, the world will buy their book and life will go on.

Now, if I come out, I could have all kinds of problems. Finding the next job. Health coverage? To some firms, rape and PTSD are "pre-existing" conditions. Have you ever heard of a rape testing kit being used for a guy survivor? I haven't.

At times we have to fight the urge to singlehandedly save the world. We alone can stop all the pyschos out there. Unfortunately, that's not true. Also, much of the current law enforcement system doesn't help, either. Have you been blown off or yelled at by some cop or therapist because you were inconveniencing them by having the nerve to try and get help for something that's not your fault? I have.

You have to protect yourself. You deserve to be heard. Why? Because you do, that's why.

Day 3 of the Diet

Staying in and staying warm tonight. Some nice herbal tea and a tiny amount of peanut butter.

Why tiny? Because we're still sticking to the holistic diet. Which means the tiniest amounts have big effects on our system. We found a website that basically says that for a long time our acidic diet literally poisoned our system. Now, it's detoxifying and trying to regain balance.

Makes sense.

This also means that everything else is flooding out. In between some moments of clarity there's still body pain and other symptoms. It's like you don't know where you are. Then for a split second you do. Then, you feel lost again.

Now, imagine going thru that for years with no sense of relief.

NOBODY told me about any of this. Nobody ever asked, were you raped? Is there a history of sex abuse here? You feel at times like, do I have to cure myself?

Adrenalin surges still happen. You feel at times like you're losing sensation in different parts of your body. This means that many times lots of massage can help to bring feeling back. There's also a history of other medical problems.

I feel that it's all connected.

You scream. You fight to survive and not black out. Along with that, you're eating and drinking tons of junk food. Naturally that only makes the pressure worse.

Now, do that for a really long time and fight to not lose hope that maybe somebody will care.

You have to fight to survive. Can you trust anybody? Will anybody listen? Or, will everybody treat you like s**t? What kind of toll does that take on you?

We just want some sense of balance.