The nightmares continue. When they happen you have to get out of your bedroom to try and feel safe. Then, many times you can't go back to sleep. If you're lucky, you get maybe 2 hours of sleep a night.
It feels at times like the list of triggering stuff gets longer and longer. Is there ANYTHING that isn't violently
triggering? On bad days, we just stay home and try to feel safe. Because nobody else will do it for us.
More of a break, and then try to go out.
Showing posts with label caffeine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label caffeine. Show all posts
Friday, February 6, 2015
Monday, May 27, 2013
Does This Happen to You?
It's a holiday, so you'd think it would be just nice and enjoy the sun. However, it's a lot of emptiness and depression. No matter what you do or how you try to ground yourself, they're still there. On the other hand, we haven't slipped for a few days now and gone back to triggering and dissociating stuff to escape pain.
If you have lots of junk in your diet, you dissociate and hallucinate. If you don't and feel clean for a while, you still do these. Why? Is it because a long history of abuse (in every sense of the word) has permanently messed up my system? Just when you think you have some stability, violent flashbacks and lucid dreams happen. I don't know.
You try to have at least ten seconds of focus. No violent symptoms. Just be able to focus on right now.
I have no tolerance for chemicals. A candy bar or a piece of cake? Can't have them. They're too triggering.
Just focus on not dissociating. Do you really want to vanish literally for a week at a time? No I don't.
It's not my fault.
If you have lots of junk in your diet, you dissociate and hallucinate. If you don't and feel clean for a while, you still do these. Why? Is it because a long history of abuse (in every sense of the word) has permanently messed up my system? Just when you think you have some stability, violent flashbacks and lucid dreams happen. I don't know.
You try to have at least ten seconds of focus. No violent symptoms. Just be able to focus on right now.
I have no tolerance for chemicals. A candy bar or a piece of cake? Can't have them. They're too triggering.
Just focus on not dissociating. Do you really want to vanish literally for a week at a time? No I don't.
It's not my fault.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Free Global Coping Methods
It is Friday (at least in this time zone). How's your weekend looking? Right now, here it's stay away from all triggering stuff as much as possible. Lately, I feel like I'm about six steps ahead of the world. Which can be a trememdous timesaver.
I'm still struggling with abandonment and other PTSD symptoms. No word about the potential new therapist. You feel at times like you're literally paralyzed with despair. I didn't ask for this. I don't want to hurt either myself or anyone else. Why then do I feel like nobody cares?
You don't want to turn into some horrible burned out person. You're not trying for perfect 24/7 bliss. Just a sense of balance.
Another part of it is struggling with the idea of I can save the world from all of the evil people. It would be great, but you can't do it. This means your health comes first. Then, deal with selective activism.
As I switch and try to stay away from triggering stuff (old favorite foods and other things), staying off of caffeine and sugar seem to be the two biggest improvements. Now, meditation is actually easier at times.
If you have sharp intuition, it can feel like you're getting bombarded with stimulus. In a crowded place, it's like trying to listen to every radio station on your stereo all at the same time. How then do you filter this?
It takes practice. Try and focus on one person. For people with severe dissociating, it can be hard to not focus on the other person as you're talking. If that still happens, don't beat yourself down because of it. Instead, just build up your focus as you go. Build the conversation around a mutual interest.
Maybe that's one of the best tools to use. Whatever the trauma is, it's not your fault. Everyone has different things to heal from. The point is that right now you're trying to cope as best you can.
Fear, abandoment, dissociating and all the other symptoms are still there. On the other hand, I'm really working on taking things in small 10 second splits. Keep in mind though that none of it is your fault. None of this is "abnormal" in any way.
Back to work.
I'm still struggling with abandonment and other PTSD symptoms. No word about the potential new therapist. You feel at times like you're literally paralyzed with despair. I didn't ask for this. I don't want to hurt either myself or anyone else. Why then do I feel like nobody cares?
You don't want to turn into some horrible burned out person. You're not trying for perfect 24/7 bliss. Just a sense of balance.
Another part of it is struggling with the idea of I can save the world from all of the evil people. It would be great, but you can't do it. This means your health comes first. Then, deal with selective activism.
As I switch and try to stay away from triggering stuff (old favorite foods and other things), staying off of caffeine and sugar seem to be the two biggest improvements. Now, meditation is actually easier at times.
If you have sharp intuition, it can feel like you're getting bombarded with stimulus. In a crowded place, it's like trying to listen to every radio station on your stereo all at the same time. How then do you filter this?
It takes practice. Try and focus on one person. For people with severe dissociating, it can be hard to not focus on the other person as you're talking. If that still happens, don't beat yourself down because of it. Instead, just build up your focus as you go. Build the conversation around a mutual interest.
Maybe that's one of the best tools to use. Whatever the trauma is, it's not your fault. Everyone has different things to heal from. The point is that right now you're trying to cope as best you can.
Fear, abandoment, dissociating and all the other symptoms are still there. On the other hand, I'm really working on taking things in small 10 second splits. Keep in mind though that none of it is your fault. None of this is "abnormal" in any way.
Back to work.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Brownies, Tea and a Sunny Day
It's the weekend. Cook, clean, back stuff up on the hard drive. Have a snack. Then, onto other stuff.
There's also lots of anger and pain as well. Body pain and trying to not black out as you scream to not lose sensation in your legs and other areas. Do we have MS? No. However, you have to do lots of massage throughout the day to maintain a smooth flow of energy. On the other hand, we're still sticking to our no caffeine/as little sugar as possible diet. Maybe these are symptoms of withdrawl?
Screen everything and protect yourself. Trust your intution. If it's screaming something's bad, pay attention. Odds are you're right.
There's also lots of anger and pain as well. Body pain and trying to not black out as you scream to not lose sensation in your legs and other areas. Do we have MS? No. However, you have to do lots of massage throughout the day to maintain a smooth flow of energy. On the other hand, we're still sticking to our no caffeine/as little sugar as possible diet. Maybe these are symptoms of withdrawl?
Screen everything and protect yourself. Trust your intution. If it's screaming something's bad, pay attention. Odds are you're right.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Black Friday Stuff
Welcome to "Black Friday" here in the States. It's the day after Thanksgiving where lots of people line up outside stores anywhere from 4 days to 4 hours before they open early Thursday night. Just to be the first person to get in and make it on the TV news. Does this happen in YOUR country?
Meanwhile, still in Friday, is everything black? We're trying to really stick to our holistic diet. The good news is at times there's some clarity. At others, there's despair and feeling stuck. Everything hits you at once, and you feel like is anyone listening? You have to stay away from sugar and caffeine because our system feels like it's been poisoned for a long time. There's an actual medical condition which is where you overdose on caffeine, and then you suffer from hallucinations. How long does it take to detoxify from all of this? No idea.
Back to the job leads.
Meanwhile, still in Friday, is everything black? We're trying to really stick to our holistic diet. The good news is at times there's some clarity. At others, there's despair and feeling stuck. Everything hits you at once, and you feel like is anyone listening? You have to stay away from sugar and caffeine because our system feels like it's been poisoned for a long time. There's an actual medical condition which is where you overdose on caffeine, and then you suffer from hallucinations. How long does it take to detoxify from all of this? No idea.
Back to the job leads.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Holistic Health Stuff to Link To
Outside, rainy and cool. Inside, no noise. No news about celeb gossip, death, destruction and all the rest of it. Just sit back, write and focus on healing.
You can't just sit back and go with your feelings (at least in our case). This means that in fighting symptoms you feel totally drained. Part of it has to do with your diet. With that in mind, here are some ideas to hopefully help you cope in your healing. As a favor to me, please link to this from everywhere you can.
Is refined sugar the same as natural sugar?- In my opinion, not always. The only sources of natural sugar that seem to be okay are things like oranges. Anything else doesn't work.
Is it possible to eat without sugar? With some planning, yes it is. What percentage of stuff in a store doesn't have sugar? Maybe 20 percent.
Do things like sugar, chemicals and various drugs act as stimulants? Yes they do. A can of soda could have as much as 300 packets of sugar in it. Caffeine is a drug. Why do many people love to eat lots of salsa? Because they're sugar addicts (roughly 12 packets of sugar in one tablespoon).
Do these things make symptoms worse? Yes they do.
How do you keep a good ph balance? Pay attention to the effects of things on you. Everybody's different.
What's an advantage of cutting out sugar? You'll save lots of money on groceries. In my case, I could save close to 50% a week.
What does sugar affect in your body?:
Your immune system
Your adrenal gland
Your cortisol level
Various symptoms (ADD, ADHD, PTSD, OCD) and others
I'm just speaking from personal experience. If you disagree, feel free to comment. However, please don't post spam comments or just obviously biased "studies" from wherever. That's a waste of time.
Enjoy your day.
You can't just sit back and go with your feelings (at least in our case). This means that in fighting symptoms you feel totally drained. Part of it has to do with your diet. With that in mind, here are some ideas to hopefully help you cope in your healing. As a favor to me, please link to this from everywhere you can.
Is refined sugar the same as natural sugar?- In my opinion, not always. The only sources of natural sugar that seem to be okay are things like oranges. Anything else doesn't work.
Is it possible to eat without sugar? With some planning, yes it is. What percentage of stuff in a store doesn't have sugar? Maybe 20 percent.
Do things like sugar, chemicals and various drugs act as stimulants? Yes they do. A can of soda could have as much as 300 packets of sugar in it. Caffeine is a drug. Why do many people love to eat lots of salsa? Because they're sugar addicts (roughly 12 packets of sugar in one tablespoon).
Do these things make symptoms worse? Yes they do.
How do you keep a good ph balance? Pay attention to the effects of things on you. Everybody's different.
What's an advantage of cutting out sugar? You'll save lots of money on groceries. In my case, I could save close to 50% a week.
What does sugar affect in your body?:
Your immune system
Your adrenal gland
Your cortisol level
Various symptoms (ADD, ADHD, PTSD, OCD) and others
I'm just speaking from personal experience. If you disagree, feel free to comment. However, please don't post spam comments or just obviously biased "studies" from wherever. That's a waste of time.
Enjoy your day.
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