Is This Detoxifying, or Something Else?

A long day of fighting symptoms and trying to keep some sense of balance. No perfectionism, but balance.

Is this detoxifying, or is something else going on? I literally can't handle any of my favorite foods. Stimulants are out. Trying not to dissociate is still incredibly exhausting. Which means if you can't have something sweet to try and recover your energy, what do you do then?

Who's the third pedophile? I'm not sure. The new therapist says that everybody handles surviving trauma differently. I can't see his face. But I can literally see everything and sense everything else.

How do you deal with a dysfunctional system where you feel like you're the ONLY person who sees and is talking about everything happening? Am I the only one that sees other people's mentally ill behavior? Am I the only one not in ultra severe denial?

Aside from complex symptoms, is there some other medical problem? Tourette's? No. MS? No. Parkinson's? No. Some form of cancer? Again, no.

Have I totally lost my appetite? No. On the other hand, it feels like practically all of may favorite stuff is too triggering. Which means big changes in my diet.

Somebody once asked, am I bi-polar? No I'm not. I have depression at times, but not the manic highs as well.

I still don't feel safe around many people that I know. Did one of them rape me as well? I'm not sure. However, the fear and the need to fight back first is there.

You can't sit back and do nothing. But there's no one there. That doesn't matter. You HAVE to fight back.

How do you explain that to someone who's never been raped? Or, never been raped by three pedophiles that will never be prosecuted?

In trying to not dissociate and black out, I feel at times like I'm going to have a stroke or a heart attack. I try the usual grounding techniques, but much of the time they don't work. What do I do then?

If I don't do anything, I'll literally fall apart. Try living with that fear every day for a really long time. Another reason to have that fear? Nobody will listen or help you in any way.

Is everybody else in the world mentally ill and evil? No. Then again, at times it's really hard to not feel like everybody's a threat.

Lots of periods of time in the past are too horrible to think about. How do deal with that and NOT feel cheated?

Maintaining Your Balance

It's Tuesday, and lots of bases to cover. I still have all the usual PTSD symptoms, and much of the time feel really run down.

What helps to try and cope? Screen everything, and then trust your intuition. I'm not always right. But much of the time I am. I also try to keep in mind that all of this is a survival mechanism. I'm not weird, insane or in danger of snapping and attacking everyone I see. I do feel though at times like I'm this close to blacking out as flashbacks happen and you try to not scream and then feel like you're disappearing.

Always have as many options as possible.

How Are Things in Your Time Zone?

Staying in tonight with my snack and lots to do online. As long as there's no snow, how bad can it be?

On the other hand, despair is still there. It's like a feeling of emptiness that just won't go away. It's not the normal ups and downs that happen all the time. You go thru all the daily stuff, and it's still there. Also, you know you can't sit back and do nothing. You fight to not black out from PTSD symptoms, and then you're totally exhausted.

If you can't afford to go to a therapist, what else can you do?

Do you get support in your part of the world? For anyone new to this site, we have readers in almost all 50 states and in about 42 countries. I don't who they are. I do know the general location. I could also use Google satellite coverage to try and check out your city. Then again, the government's already doing that. Doing that with my tax money. Why? Who knows.

One thing I do know is that you have to protect yourself. Sounds basic, but it's true. Why? Because nobody else will. Despite wherever you are in your healing, is it still hard to trust anyone? I still feel at times like everything's a threat. On top of that, you have the feeling of do I have to cure myself as well? I didn't ask for this. Yet, nobody can be bothered to pay attention?

As you read here, keep one thing in mind. I'm not telling anyone to do anything. All I'm doing is offering a mix of information that helps me. If you like it, great. If you know something that's better, please post it. In the process, please, NO SPAM LINKS. That doesn't help anyone or anything.

Back to the pages.

Brownies, Tea and a Sunny Day

It's the weekend. Cook, clean, back stuff up on the hard drive. Have a snack. Then, onto other stuff.

There's also lots of anger and pain as well. Body pain and trying to not black out as you scream to not lose sensation in your legs and other areas. Do we have MS? No. However, you have to do lots of massage throughout the day to maintain a smooth flow of energy. On the other hand, we're still sticking to our no caffeine/as little sugar as possible diet. Maybe these are symptoms of withdrawl?

Screen everything and protect yourself. Trust your intution. If it's screaming something's bad, pay attention. Odds are you're right.

Holistic Health Stuff to Link To

Outside, rainy and cool. Inside, no noise. No news about celeb gossip, death, destruction and all the rest of it. Just sit back, write and focus on healing.

You can't just sit back and go with your feelings (at least in our case). This means that in fighting symptoms you feel totally drained. Part of it has to do with your diet. With that in mind, here are some ideas to hopefully help you cope in your healing. As a favor to me, please link to this from everywhere you can.

Is refined sugar the same as natural sugar?- In my opinion, not always. The only sources of natural sugar that seem to be okay are things like oranges. Anything else doesn't work.

Is it possible to eat without sugar? With some planning, yes it is. What percentage of stuff in a store doesn't have sugar? Maybe 20 percent.

Do things like sugar, chemicals and various drugs act as stimulants? Yes they do. A can of soda could have as much as 300 packets of sugar in it. Caffeine is a drug. Why do many people love to eat lots of salsa? Because they're sugar addicts (roughly 12 packets of sugar in one tablespoon).

Do these things make symptoms worse? Yes they do.

How do you keep a good ph balance? Pay attention to the effects of things on you. Everybody's different.

What's an advantage of cutting out sugar? You'll save lots of money on groceries. In my case, I could save close to 50% a week.

What does sugar affect in your body?:
Your immune system
Your adrenal gland
Your cortisol level
Various symptoms (ADD, ADHD, PTSD, OCD) and others

I'm just speaking from personal experience. If you disagree, feel free to comment. However, please don't post spam comments or just obviously biased "studies" from wherever. That's a waste of time.

Enjoy your day.